Mood: Hurt, Angry, Fearful
Fuelled By: 2 cigarettes (even though I quit smoking 2 months ago)
Listening To: The Traffic

Last night my relationship ended.
Now, following on from my last post, it's a good thing. I can finally have my life back. The relationship has been dead for a long time, and it's been damaging for even longer than that. But, last night, I finally got the kick up the arse I so desperately needed.
For the third time, I was cheated on. More than that, I was utterly humiliated. I'm now left feeling pretty worthless. . .but I know that feeling will pass with time.
I'm not sure how to sum up an 8 year relationship in just one post. I guess I can only tell you that I lost sense of who I was as a person. Nothing I did was ever good enough, everything was cause to have have an almighty row, I never felt loved or respected or wanted. And now I'm free.

But. . . It suddenly occured to me last night that on Christmas Eve when my children are in bed, I am going to have to put the presents out by myself. I'm not sure why that one thing bothers me so much; especially when you consider that every Christmas Eve for the last 7 years I have been shouted at for one thing or another, but it just seems so lonely; playing Santa all by myself.

Im sat here crying, and it's not because of what I lost; but because of the time that was wasted, and what I never had. I know I will find the strength inside me to carry on, and I have wonderful friends and family who are incredibly supportive. I just wish my life had turned out differently, you know.

Paige